Independence Day

The fourth of July.

I remember spending the last one sitting on Federal Hill in Baltimore, watching two sets of fireworks, my socks wet from the rain, and thinking as I do every year on this date: I am so thankful to be an American.

This past year has made me think hard about my relationship with my country in many ways. Obviously, there was the election. To say it shook me is a massive understatement. It fundamentally changed what I believed about what we as Americans seek in a person in power. It changed what I thought we as a people valued. My pain and disbelief turned me cynical, and my logic led me to conclude the worst of people.

The real problem we are having in America right now, as a people, is an inability to listen to one another. Of course, there is racism, sexism, and aggressive xenophobia, but none of that is new. There is a growing, gaping disconnect between this country's coasts and its interior, and the people on both sides who just aren't being listened to are frustrated. Our politicians are exploiting this frustration, helplessness, and desperation to trap us in partisan dialogue while they refuse to work toward actual solutions because solving problems is no longer politically profitable. This makes room for the racism to come out of hiding, to be shouted in streets and posted on the internet, to masquerade as journalism, and to come from the White House. This allows the same old irrational, offensive, and downright life-threatening ideologies to resurface under new names because someone must be blamed for the poverty and the pain.

But each day I encounter something or someone that causes me to reexamine my evaluation of the people of America. For every misogynist that slows down to honk and call obscenities out his window as I walk down the street, there are ten powerful women and allies working to dismantle the structures that prop up these behaviors (one of these women, Brittany Oliver, a Baltimore based activist, spoke to us at an event this past winter. Check her out, she's incredible. Thanks Brittany.) This extends to all things. For every bigot I meet, I meet ten more people who demand my respect and inspire me, who work tirelessly to better themselves and the world around them, and who doggedly pursue their passions and choose to celebrate their ability to do so, regardless of their challenges. 

And then I think about what it is that bothers me so much about the way things are. I am incredibly privileged in every way possible. I grew up financially secure in a loving two-parent family, always getting everything I wanted before I even asked. I am a child of immigrants of color, but I was awarded a US citizenship just for being born in the right place. I often feel scared or uncomfortable, but thanks to my level of education and social circumstances, would never have to be in a situation where the color of my skin could get me killed. So why do I wake up every morning itching to do something, to be able to change something?

Part of it is just my parents inculcating me with the values of fairness, empathy, and kindness. If someone else is in pain, you should not be able to sit quietly and watch. However, I also feel this way because I am entirely, passionately, and proudly American. I demand equality. I believe in freedom. From the moment I was born, I knew my country was one of possibility, of opportunity, and to see that snatched away from so many people feels like treachery. We can do better. We must do better.

We can disagree on what the best solution to a problem is and how to achieve it. We can mess up many many times until we get it right, or even close to right. But what we cannot do is compromise on fairness and compassion. We will make mistakes, but every one of us, from the voting booth to the Oval Office, has to start with compassion. That's the America I believe in and the one I will always keep fighting for.

Happy Independence Day. 

Back (finally)

So it's been almost two years since my last post here (I know, shame on me) and a lot has happened since then, both in my life personally and in the world I live in.

I've been putting off writing again until I feel like I have something important to say, but I don't think the day will ever come when something I have to say is so desperately meaningful that the entire internet has to read it, so I've decided to resume blogging meaningless thoughts just to see my own words on this page. At least I can give myself the credit of self awareness.

Over the past 21 months, I've graduated high school, spent my first year at Johns Hopkins University (go hop!), watched an abominable election campaign, attended a Pride parade, learned to cook, become a markedly worse writer, watched the US dominate another Olympic games, and read a crude fan fiction which has somehow been published as an addition to my favorite book series of all time (why JKR why).

In those same months, I've also had the distinct privilege of meeting, understanding, and experiencing the company of people who see the world in a very different way than I do. I've seen pain and struggle and strength of character and grace in unbelievable proportions, and have heard and read the words of people who understand, in many ways, more deeply than I do.

And if there is one overarching lesson I've taken away from this, it's one of respect. I've always been a person of conviction- someone who forms strong opinions and very vocally defends them, often regardless of social consequences (not always healthy)- and I doubt that will ever change. However, I have come to understand, to much greater degree than ever before, that every pair of eyes has a different lens through which it sees the world, a lens tinted by personality and experience, so that no two tints are precisely the same shade. As much as I may try to "understand" I never truly will, because my lens will always be a slightly different color than everyone else's.

This means there are experiences I will never understand. There are emotions I will never feel and worlds that I will never know. This means that I am not always entitled to my opinion, and nor should I always have one. I should not speak for experiences I will never know because my voice, although well intended, may drown out the voice that needs to be heard, that knows, and understands. After all, in a world made of perception, watching and listening are the greatest tools of all.

So, now, I want to make some promises to myself, and to all of you, for the next year.
I will look and listen and think. I will learn and I will feel.
I will not become defensive when accused of oppression but learn what about my behavior is oppressive. Oppression is not a joke- if someone tells me they feel cornered, I will listen.
I will hold myself to a high standard of acceptance.
I will not wield my intellect as a mark of the validity of my opinion. Intelligence and education do not make my experiences more valid than another's.
I will not marginalize or invalidate others' experiences.
I will stand unwaveringly by those who are pushed out by misunderstanding or willful hatred.
I will not use ignorance as an excuse but rather as an opportunity to educate myself.
I will not speak for or over others.

And finally, I will stop being a lazy turd and write on my blog more often.

Love you all <3.

Screw Beautiful

So girls (and guys too), listen up!

Think for a moment about what compliment you hear more than any other. You probably won't have to think too hard.

Yep, definitely "you're so beautiful", or variations of that.

And I know, the complimenters always mean well... I call people beautiful all the time.

But just think for a moment about how beautiful quietly destroys us.

We always want to hear beautiful, and by giving and receiving beautiful, we buy into it. We buy into the idea that beauty defines us, that beauty comes before all else, and that somehow, the nose, eyes, and ears coded into your DNA make you better or worse than someone else.

We accept pressure to maintain a specific body image, to wear makeup for others, to look everywhere for physical approval, and to be wanted.

Ladies, we don't need to be wanted. I promise. You were born with your face and body. Love it, be comfortable in it, but stop looking for beautiful. It really doesn't matter at all.

Strive for intelligent, courageous, compassionate, bold.

Tell me I'm insightful, trustworthy, spirited, and unique.

I don't need beautiful. I don't need a check mark next to something I can't control. Appreciate me for the qualities I have control over, the ones I can foster and nourish, the ones that will make you, me, and the world better.

Screw beautiful. 

We encompass a whole lot more than that.

Defining Yourself

Hello everyone! It sure has been a while...
Wow, I've conquered junior year (in a manner of speaking :P), and am on my way to many endings and even more beginnings.
In the process of attempting to begin my common app essay early, I've stumbled on the idea of defining myself as an individual in a few words. I really want, like everyone else, to capture myself in those 650 words, to weave myself into the page so anyone reading will emerge with a true understanding of me.

But somehow, I feel that can't be possible. Maybe it's because my writing capabilities only stretch so far, or because I have not yet cemented my identity, but I hope it's that a person contains too many folds and facets to capture in a few words.
The entire premise of a common app essay must be flawed because people cannot be reduced to a few scribbles on a page. Even the best character you've read or written, the most emotion you've poured out onto the page, will not capture the entirety of you because there is, and always will be more.

There's always that quiet sensitivity behind the confident exterior, the silent tears you shed while watching a movie, that impossible understanding you have with the squirrel that lives in your front yard-you're bold but cautious- how is that possible? Only you can feel it- you're compassionate but convicted, you like folk music for how it makes you think but rock for how it makes you feel, there's just so much packed inside of you like people on a Mumbai bus, love and fear and opinions and thought, always thinking always evolving, dynamic and charismatic and filled with infinite potential, beautiful beyond measure.

We have more packed inside of each single one of us than the universe has inside it- our imaginations remain forever unbounded by the constraints of the world. I am limitless.

Now how can I put all of that in 650 words? :)

Joy

How do you define happiness?

We all hear repeatedly of society's materialism, excessive consumerism, and need to fulfill material desires in order to find emotional peace. Obviously, we have long established that happiness does not stem from material possessions alone.
Then perhaps it comes with belonging, acceptance, and love. Or maybe with self confidence, power and success.

But then, maybe not.

Happiness is the pure wonder of existence. The inexplicable tears that erupt when a beautiful song plays and the look of awe as we see the stars spread before us for the first time are happiness. The moment we realize the profound beauty in every breath we take and the striking complexity of the universe whirling around us to make life possible, we realize happiness.

The ability to look at the same thing twice and see something different, to laugh again and again at the same old joke... these little marvels constitute the magic of the human experience. The blissful interlocking of human consciousness, of compassion, pride, and strength defines our existence and allows it to continue.

We each have our little pocket of joy buried within us, and we can find it surprisingly easily. Just look one more time, breathe, and think. Live simply to live and to experience the art of living. For once, put aside manmade social, political, and material constructions and reach out to touch the universe.  In these overly competitive times, we may forget the magic of every moment, but if we just take the time to wonder, it will all come flooding back. If we all endeavor to fight a little less and live a little more, our pocket of joy will find us.

Pride

We spend so much of our time criticizing the way we live, arguing over politics, lifestyles, and class differences. America has insult upon insult heaped upon her by her own citizens, who detail with condescension her "obvious" devolution. These are indeed hard times for America. But we are recovering, and will resurface as we have so many times before.

Yesterday was the anniversary of a huge tragedy in American history: the bombing of Pearl Harbor. This one event changed the way Americans view conflict and catapulted us into the second world war. But above all, it is a symbol of our resilience and reminds us of America's once insurmountable power and influence in the global arena. Many think this role is lost and we are fighting an uphill battle against the power of other upcoming global powers.
 

But what truly defines America? Our bold, limitless, idealism- the principles and freedoms that this nation was built on and fights to uphold. It often feels as though we are fighting among ourselves for these freedoms- but that ability to argue, to disagree, and to push forward is what makes our nation great. Our government's inability to govern may be embarrassing, the power of corporations suffocating, and social conservatism simply wrong, but the fundamental American identity still knits this country together. Somewhere inside, past the materialism and selfishness, the idea of the American dream still blazes-- the belief that we can fulfill our dreams and build strong communities, and that we can give back and build a better world.
 

A recent experience with a foreign-exchange student friend of mine illustrates this beautifully. She is from an upper class Chinese family and moved to the United States by herself to attend high school. I asked her why she'd come to America, when her situation in China had been quite comfortable. She responded simply, "To achieve dreams."
 

I'm proud and incredibly blessed to be an American. 

Legacy

Life is a race. 

We run and run, and barely catch glimpses as it slips by, faster and faster so as to not let the blur in the corner of our vision overtake us. The road goes on beyond our sight, far into the horizon, winding into obscurity. Yet we run, harder and faster, to defeat an unidentified foe and reach an unclear destination.

Why?

It's time for us as individuals and as a society to reflect on what exactly we are chasing. We center our focus entirely on ourselves. We hear but don't listen, do but don't act, and speak but don't inspire. We move overbearingly through life, perpetually competing with the world, pitting ourselves as lone heroes against a universe of calamity and gritting our teeth, barely breathing, to fight through life.

Is this the way to live- friendless, hopeless, and barely surviving? What are we really striving for?

We compete and fight, but we can never really win. We may push others down to attain the school of our "dreams", then compete for the job of our "dreams", then our home, our love, our lives. Our identities have become so insignificant because we continue to tie them to transient objects and selfish, materialistic goals. Even when we achieve everything we dream of, we arrive at a shallow disappointing reality: one of utter selfishness.

Before we realize true happiness, we must understand what we must achieve. The money we accumulate and resume we build means nothing at the end. Our true mark is the stamp of our character- the lives we touch and the people we help up. 

We must live not just to build lives, but to build legacies. The sound of our name should evoke soft smiles and warm memories long after we are gone. We should inspire kindness and generosity because we live on only through humanity. Love, laugh, and touch lives, because in our legacies of kindness and friendship, we can live forever.