So it's been almost two years since my last post here (I know, shame on me) and a lot has happened since then, both in my life personally and in the world I live in.
I've been putting off writing again until I feel like I have something important to say, but I don't think the day will ever come when something I have to say is so desperately meaningful that the entire internet has to read it, so I've decided to resume blogging meaningless thoughts just to see my own words on this page. At least I can give myself the credit of self awareness.
Over the past 21 months, I've graduated high school, spent my first year at Johns Hopkins University (go hop!), watched an abominable election campaign, attended a Pride parade, learned to cook, become a markedly worse writer, watched the US dominate another Olympic games, and read a crude fan fiction which has somehow been published as an addition to my favorite book series of all time (why JKR why).
In those same months, I've also had the distinct privilege of meeting, understanding, and experiencing the company of people who see the world in a very different way than I do. I've seen pain and struggle and strength of character and grace in unbelievable proportions, and have heard and read the words of people who understand, in many ways, more deeply than I do.
And if there is one overarching lesson I've taken away from this, it's one of respect. I've always been a person of conviction- someone who forms strong opinions and very vocally defends them, often regardless of social consequences (not always healthy)- and I doubt that will ever change. However, I have come to understand, to much greater degree than ever before, that every pair of eyes has a different lens through which it sees the world, a lens tinted by personality and experience, so that no two tints are precisely the same shade. As much as I may try to "understand" I never truly will, because my lens will always be a slightly different color than everyone else's.
This means there are experiences I will never understand. There are emotions I will never feel and worlds that I will never know. This means that I am not always entitled to my opinion, and nor should I always have one. I should not speak for experiences I will never know because my voice, although well intended, may drown out the voice that needs to be heard, that knows, and understands. After all, in a world made of perception, watching and listening are the greatest tools of all.
So, now, I want to make some promises to myself, and to all of you, for the next year.
I will look and listen and think. I will learn and I will feel.
I will not become defensive when accused of oppression but learn what about my behavior is oppressive. Oppression is not a joke- if someone tells me they feel cornered, I will listen.
I will hold myself to a high standard of acceptance.
I will not wield my intellect as a mark of the validity of my opinion. Intelligence and education do not make my experiences more valid than another's.
I will not marginalize or invalidate others' experiences.
I will stand unwaveringly by those who are pushed out by misunderstanding or willful hatred.
I will not use ignorance as an excuse but rather as an opportunity to educate myself.
I will not speak for or over others.
And finally, I will stop being a lazy turd and write on my blog more often.
Love you all <3.
