I know. You've heard it a million times. But it's traversing all boundaries, including the respect one expects from a friend.
I'm a girl. A lot of my friends are guys. I respect them as people, not as boys, not as objects, and not as eye-candy that exists solely for me to look at.
Then why are my friends and I always the target of sexist comments, suggestive jokes, and crude bets? Why do our male FRIENDS, people we trust and respect and expect the same from, consider it acceptable to have loud debates over our bra sizes and which one of us is the most attractive?
Worst of all, why are they allowed to tell me that it's not a big deal and have society agree with them?It IS a big deal.
Respect is something that’s hard to come by, and it shouldn't be. People without true value systems and real respect for who you are, not what you are will always sink to their baser instincts and begin treating others like objects created for their own fancy.
In fact, society encourages this kind of behavior, and the more leniency you show, the worse it gets. Everyone seems to think that everything around them exists for their observation and purpose alone: that the world exists to please them. And with the egotistic attitude and value systems becoming more and more prevalent in the world, why wouldn't they?
People insist that gender equality exists in today’s society, and comments of this sort are immediately scoffed at as irrational feminism. However, girls and women must become people and not things to be looked at, no matter how briefly the thought occurs. Just being a girl shouldn't make you different from boys. Get your head out of your pants and consider us people, because we are, and until you do, we’ll keep making noise. Real relationships are built on respect. Wisen up mankind.
You stated in a more recent blog post that your friends are a reflection of yourself. Are you sure that you aren't personally guilty of participating in the objectification of others? That may be why your friends don't feel any qualms about acting this way around you. Also, isn't it sort of a double-standard that when men speak of women's looks they are called "pigs," but when women rate men it's considered normal conversation or gossip? Perhaps they've seen you take part in judging the looks of other guys and decided that maybe you wouldn't take so much offense to it.
ReplyDeleteYou also have to remember that you're a teenager and so are your friends. Things like this are a normal part of conversation for people our age. It's fun to talk about how people look, especially since it happens to be the very first thing we notice about others. It's important. If not you wouldn't brush your hair in the morning or take a second's notice as to whether your clothes match. A small tip would be to stop taking all of this so seriously (Your friends probably find your reactions funny, too). I know I personally find things like this amusing. It doesn't mean I have any less respect for myself or anything, just that I don't care much about how I'm rated by certain people because I know it doesn't really matter. (Perhaps that would indicate you have more respect for yourself?)
One last thing. "Get your head out of your pants and consider us people, because we are, and until you do, we’ll keep making noise." It just so happens that being a person means that you will be looked at sexually. Only because sexuality is a big part of society and life. If your friends respect you, it's for the things you say and do, not whether you're "hot" or not, so give them a break. I mean, it's not like they see you as a sex doll or anything extreme, so if a comment goes over the line, just tell them so. Make sure your "noise" is effective in getting your point across without making you seem like you're overreacting. Chances are an angry, repetitive tirade won't make your case any stronger.
Hey! Thanks for actually taking the time to read this.
DeleteOk, I totally see where your argument is coming from. Let me first clarify. This post was not meant as a direct attack on any particular person or friend, it was a critique of the societal mentality in which objectification is totally acceptable. I'll admit, I was angry when I wrote it, and a specific incident, namely my friend getting slapped on the butt, triggered this reaction. To me, it is just NOT acceptable for someone you respect as a friend to slap your butt and then laugh you off. That level of disrespect frankly just disgusts me.
Regarding your accusation of me being guilty of sexualizing boys, it is frankly just not true. It is not the act of them noticing my looks that bothers me. I am as flattered as any other girl when I am told that I look pretty, or my hair looks nice, etc. It is the line that is crossed so often, when the conversation is not noting how "pretty" a girl is but rather how large her breasts are, or how much fun it would be to.... (fill in the blank). I, personally, have never once had a conversation with my friends regarding the size of any male's organ or the pleasure I would gain from sexual acts. I have that much respect for my friends, and I maintain that boundary. Is it wrong to ask the same in return?
I understand that we are teenagers, but it shouldn't be something that is different or unnatural. I just feel that that amount of respect should come naturally, and that the thought of slapping a friend's but or discussing the size of her breasts just shouldn't even cross a friend's mind. And that even if it does, they should feel some shame and have the courtesy to acknowledge their insensitivity, not brush it off and tell us to stop overreacting. Just my opinion.